kanye feat. notorious B.I.G

incredible mix. 





Never was much of a romantic
I could never take the intimacy
And I know it did damage
'Cause the look in your eyes is killing me

I guess you knew another vantage
'Cause you could blame me for everything
And I don't know how I'ma manage
If one day you just up and leave

And I always find, yeah, I always find something wrong
You been putting up with my shit just way too long
I'm so gifted at finding what I don't like the most
So I think it's time for us to have a toast

Let's have a toast for the douchebags
Let's have a toast for the assholes
Let's have a toast for the scumbags
Every one of them that I know

Let's have a toast for the jerk-offs
That'll never take work off
Baby, I got a plan
Runaway fast as you can


felt like i should've 'runaway' at the start when i realised our characters were far too different. i learnt a lot from the relationship- it doesn't matter how long or short other people think it was. it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks, actually. i spent almost every waking and even some sleeping moments with this one person who meant so much to me... 
i realised that i need to feel loved... i need someone who is passionate and someone who i will mean as much to as they do to me. 
i don't know if he truly felt that strongly, or if i was just a matter of rationality and convenience. it was so painful the first coupla days after it ended; especially since i hadn't had the opportunity to be around his normal self for quite awhile before that. things just got too messy in the end, and i couldn't pretend it was ok for any longer.
but i still miss the little things... like cuddling in bed on a rainy night with the beatles playing in the background... and holding hands and kissing and singing along...
or days when we would walk for what seemed like forever, and even though i'm usually too lazy, i loved every moment because he was there and we would talk and talk the whole time and make little jokes and go to random places just for fun. i remember our first kiss... it was when we were watching the Godfather (my favourite movie ever). unforgettable (:
i thought this would last cuz of how much we have in common, interest wise; but the thing is, you should always choose character over interests, because character is something you cannot and should not force to change in a person. unless that person loves you enough to want to change, in which case... that still won't last for long because it's not really them. call me a cynic, but that's what i've learnt.
it might take a bit more time to get over feeling this way, but i don't regret anything we did cuz it was a big learning curve that everyone has to go through. no one is perfect, and never expect it to be that way. one day i'll find someone whose flaws i'll love and who'll love mine... till then, life is still ever-beautiful when you have the greatest friends to share it with. (i love you guys. really. so much.)




memories and first kisses:


sitting on the swings, under the starry night sky after talking for hours about feelings and love. probably 3am in the morning and years after we first met... feeling so warm and loved...


walking at night through the neon lit streets of hk; past one of 200 7/11s on the street... asked if i'll remember my way back to the hotel... told to close my eyes and he planted a kiss on my cheek so i'll always remember where to turn... so damn adorable~


running through the rain after a movie... ended up on a winding path in a classic park in melbourne... nearing midnight, rain pouring down... pulled in, kissed passionately


sitting poolside, talking and smoking... trying to blow rings... sitting closer, feeling sparks. fingers brush against my nape... magical.